FYI, I had a 1,500 word limit. It is a bit of a summary. The end comes quick. It was going to end sad, but I really, really didn't want it to.
Jessica turns on the TV. There is a cartoon on about two girls who like each other. She changes the channel to a reality show about a man looking for a boyfriend. Every cartoon and every TV show involves men liking men and women liking women. Jessica’s moms come in to tell her it’s time for school.
At school, there are girls talking about girls and boys talking about boys. Jessica’s friend wants to know which girl she likes or when she will get a girlfriend. Jessica does not know how to answer. She does not like girls, she likes boys. She has never heard of girls who like boys, though, so she keeps quiet. In class, the teacher reads a book about a prince who marries a prince. He asks the students to write their own fairytales. Girls write about marrying princesses and boys write about marrying princes. Jessica leaves her paper blank.
A few years later, Jessica is a teenager. Guys are dating guys and girls are dating girls. Same-sex couples walk down the halls holding hands and kissing. Jessica’s female teachers talk about their wives and kids and her male teachers talk about their husbands. Jessica still does not have a girlfriend. She has tried talking to some girls before, but it did not feel right to her. She tries to keep the fact that she likes boys hidden, but people start to catch on. Jessica can hear people talking about her between classes. They say she is disgusting, sick, twisted, and other words. People steal her things. Teachers do not smile at her in the hall anymore.
One day, Jessica gets called into the principal’s office. Someone started a rumor about her kissing a boy at a school football game. The principal tells her that she does not approve of this sort of behavior at school and that it is highly inappropriate. She releases Jessica with a warning.
Jessica looks through the library for a book to do a report over for class. Every book involves a romance involving two girls or a romance involving two guys. She picks up a book, Strangers Like Me, and reads the summary on the back. It is a book about a girl and a guys who like each other. Jessica’s eyes grow wide and her heart starts to pound. She checks the book out and smiles for the rest of the day.
Jessica sees herself reflected in the book’s pages. The main character, Ellie, likes boys, but all her friends like girls. The world tells her that her feelings are wrong. Ellie ends up getting picked on at school and kicked out of her home when she tells her parents about her new boyfriend. Jessica wonders if her parents would ever kick her out. She does her report on the book for class and hands it in.
A week later, Jessica’s English teacher is talking about the school’s library tossing out some books. When Jessica asks why, her teacher answers,
“There were some books with themes that the principal didn’t think were appropriate for school.”
Jessica goes to the library and looks around for Strangers Like Me. She cannot find it. She looks for any books like it, but there are none to be found.
Jessica is called into the office again. This time, the principal called her parents to talk about her “inappropriate” book report. Jessica’s English teacher had turned it into the office. Jessica feels sad, angry, and betrayed. Her parents are upset. They wonder what they did wrong. The principal recommends counseling. Jessica’s parents say no, they will have a talk with her.
Jessica is in her room, crying. Her parents are very ashamed of her. They said they did not raise her to like boys and told her she will be happy once she finds a girl to be with, like she was meant to be.
Jessica feels helpless. She does not think she did anything wrong. She is simply feeling. She wonders how everyone can be so angry at her for how she feels. People do not choose who to love, right? Jessica thinks this must be exactly how Ellie feels. She wonders about other boys and girls out there like her. Are there any in her school? Do they feel as miserable as she feels? Will they search that barren library for evidence that what they are feeling is real, that other people exist like them?
Jessica cannot smile. She wakes up unhappy everyday and drags her feet from class to class. Sometimes she looks at boys in the hall and stops herself, feeling ashamed. She sits in class and feels dejected. She can hear people talking about her between bells. She tries to ignore the words, but it is hard.
“Sicko.”
“Freak.”
“Go to hell.”
Jessica starts to feel overwhelmed. On the weekend she stays in her bed and cries.
Waking up is hard. Getting dressed is hard. Eating is hard. Sleeping is hard. Jessica's parents decide Jessica is going through a phase. They put on big smiles and pretend like they never told their daughter how let down they felt. They talk about attractive women celebrities Jessica is expected to be attracted to. They talk about setting her up with their friend's daughters. Jessica avoids talking to her parents whenever she can.
Jessica is in her room. The lights are off and the blinds are drawn. Her parents are gone. The house is quiet. She wonders if this is what is feels like to be dead. Death would not have this much worry, she thinks. Death would not involve walking into school tomorrow. Death would not involve hateful comments or disappointed parents. She starts to make a plan.
Jessica writes down a list of her favorite things. She decides to give her bike to a girl down the street and her diamond earrings to her little cousin. She will not need them soon, anyway.
Jessica stops turning in homework and zones out in class. One day, she skips class altogether. She stays home, in bed, with the TV on. She tries to write a letter but words do not come easy. She lays down, surrounded by crumpled balls of paper. They will know why, she thinks. She looks over at the little white bottles on her dresser.
Something on the TV catches Jessica’s attention. There is a celebrity, Ellen, talking to the camera on the verge of tears.
“I want anyone out there who feels different and alone to know that I know how you feel, and there is help out there and you can find support in your community.”
Jessica is staring at the screen. She is frozen, not even blinking, concentrating so intensely on what this woman is saying. A number appears at the bottom of the screen. Jessica unfreezes and writes the number down on a crumpled suicide note.
Ellen’s voice really starts to quiver as she delivers her last line.
“Things will get easier, people’s mind will change, and you… you should be alive to see it.”
Jessica starts to cry.
Jessica hangs up the phone and puts all her parent’s medicine back in the cabinet. She brushes her hair for the first time in days and washes her face.
The number was a helpline for teenagers like Jessica feeling hopeless and lost. Jessica stayed on the phone until she had cried herself out and until she did not feel like she needed to cry anymore.
The person on the phone told Jessica that there was nothing wrong with her. Some girls liked boys and some boys liked girls, he said. Many people are afraid of people who are different than them. He directed Jessica to a website aimed at preventing teen suicide and helping people like Jessica overcome hate and prejudice
Jessica now feels that high school is not life. Soon, she will be out, and she is certain that there are other people out there like her and she feels determined to live happily.
Several years later, Jessica calls home. It’s Christmas. Jessica is on the phone with her parents.
“Hi, how is your Christmas? Mine’s good. I spent it with Johnny.”
There is silence on the other end for a few long, uneasy seconds before her parents abruptly change the subject.
They stopped telling Jessica that she was going through a phase, but they are not completely okay with Jessica liking men yet. It is hard sometimes, but Jessica does not hold it against them. She knows by now that changing minds takes time. She has decided to help with that change by helping other teenagers like herself. She is studying child psychology, so maybe one day she can be the voice of hope on the other end of the line, speaking to her past self, telling them that life will get better if only they hold on.
Authors Note:
The title, Strangers Like Me, also shares its name with a Phil Collins song, “Strangers Like Me”, which served as inspiration for this story. No lyrics were directly taken from the song and added to the story.
Ellen’s words are the words of an actual person, Ellen Degeneres, delivered on her talk show on September 30, 2010.
The Ellen Degeneres Show. By Ellen Degeneres. NBC. KMYT-DT. 8 September 2003.
That is everything I submitted.
My school librarian started to ban books with homosexual themes. It was that and the string of lgbt-identified teenage suicides in the media's spotlight at the time that inspired me to write this, along with Jenna Anne's video, "What does it mean to be a lesbian?" Feel free to tell me what you think.
