My Second Pride Parade and Being Assumed Straight

Last month I attended my second pride parade in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I walked with the Youth Services Center of Tulsa's float. They have special programs for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender youth, and I was proud to get to walk with them alongside many other awesome teenagers, a stunning drag queen, and one of my best friends, Lauren.


I do not have my rainbow flag anymore, unfortunately. When I was passing out candy (we aren't legally allowed to toss candy in Tulsa, which is ridiculous) I had it in my pocket. One moment I looked down it had disappeared. I was incredibly upset. I felt like a raccoon who had lost her tail. I will have to get another one soon.

My best friend, Lauren, is straight. It was her first pride parade. She had a good time, despite the heat, and was very entertained by the wide variety of people there. I explained what bears were and what the bisexual flag looked like.

She was a little confused by the bears. Ha, I am honestly a little confused by them as well.

Lauren is a very good ally, but something she said near the beginning of the parade really struck me.

"If I see a cute guy here it won't matter."
"Why is that?"
"Well, he'll probably be gay."
"And?"
"It's sad."

She meant she would not have a chance with most of the men she saw at the parade. She also commented on how everyone at the parade was probably assuming she was gay. It did not bother her much, but she had never been in that kind of situation before, people assuming she was the opposite sexual orientation (which is surprising, seeing as she plays softball, haha).

After she said those things it made me think. It is like that every day for me.

If I see a cute girl anywhere, possibly excluding a Tegan and Sara concert, chances are about 90% of the time she will be straight. It is the most important thing, finding out if a woman is gay or not. Before I take anything else into account, I have to consider a girl's possible sexual orientation. If I hit on a straight girl mistakenly, it can be really, really bad. If something like had happened at my old high school I could have been written up for harassment. If a guy hits on me, a lesbian, mistakenly, oops, not a big deal in his eyes or in the eyes of anyone else. He might even come on stronger and see nothing wrong with his actions.

I often get asked by dentists, doctors, co-workers, people I have just met and people I am not out to about boyfriends. It is always, "Do you have a boyfriend?" or, "When you get married..."

I do not have boyfriends. I currently cannot legally marry the person I will eventually fall in love with. This is a reality I face almost every day, being assumed straight. If someone assumes I am straight I will correct them.

Straight people often do not understand why I feel the need to vocalize my sexuality. It is not the first thing I tell people when I meet them and it is not my most important characteristic, but it is something I like people to know.

It is because I am tired of being assumed straight. I have been assumed straight since I emerged from the womb.

I realize this is not a big deal to most people. Can you imagine, if you are straight, people assuming you are a gay man or a lesbian every day of your life? Can you imagine growing up and having adults talk about your future husband, if you are a man, or your future wife, if you are a woman? Can you imagine being hit on by the same sex and having to come out as straight over and over again?

Now imagine people telling you to keep the fact that you are straight quiet. "You don't need to talk about it so much." "Why do you have to tell everyone you're straight?" "Why can't you just keep it quiet?"

Do you understand why I refuse to be kept quiet?